strange tingles

Yesterday I had a strange last day of 2008. Normally NYE for me means hosting a party, a day off work, and fun reflections. But as I sat at work, until 5pm, I had a strange feeling come over me--regret!

I say this feeling is strange because this time of year I'm able to pinpoint several things in my life that make me feel proud of the last 365 days (and one nano second). That's not to say I don't always have things left on my life to-do list, just that I've made progress!

And then I felt tears welling up in my eyes. True, I've learned some things this year and I cannot deny the many blessings in my life. Its just that I somewhat have a (although flexible so I'm not tied down) plan for my life. A vision of who and what I want in my life. I steadily chip away at road blocks to get there. So this strange sensation, a lack of progress, is unsettling.

I know there must be, or at least I have to believe, there are greater lessons to be learned, a broader scope to be lived than my simple aspirations would have allowed. But sitting at my desk I just felt overwhelmed. Good lord, I'm too young for a midlife crisis!

Instead of my usual recap of events, I'm going with lessons learned this year. I'm trying to make meaning out of my choices.

LESSONS of 2008:

1.). Money, even if it makes paying your student loan possible, doesn't always buy happiness
2.). When in doubt, trust your gut feeling. Its there for a reason
3.). A few good friends are better than many and can often be ones long lost or brand spankin' new
4.). Its ok to say no...to events, people, tasks...I only have so much time and energy and I want it to count!
5.). Sometimes acheiving one goal in life makes another goal harder to attain without you realizing it. Even when you've "done the right thing" or in the "right order" you may find yourself without the things you now really want.
6.). There is nothing more precious than being with your family and nothing more heart wrenching than not
7.). I need to read more. Its fun. And it makes you smarter.
8.). A good supervisor and administration is more valuable than any benefit package.
9.). I'm where I am to learn something...now I just have to figure it out!
10.). Distance does make the heart grow fonder.

That's it folks. Its on to the new year no matter if we like it or not! Its allgoing to be OK. I just know it.

Peace, growth, and refelections in 2009!